


We Are The Only One

by zams



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pre-Thor (Movie), Pseudo-Incest, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2013-03-11
Packaged: 2017-12-05 00:16:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/716683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zams/pseuds/zams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor gives Loki a special gift for his birthday that alters their relationship irrevocably.</p><p>
  <i>"To whom do you wish to be bound for eternity, brother? Lady Sif, perhaps?" Loki asks.</i>
</p><p><i>"No," Thor says, and suddenly Thor's hands are cradling his face and Loki feels the blood rush to his head, feels the breath stolen from his lungs. "To </i>you<i>."</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	We Are The Only One

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Alissa for beta'ing!
> 
> Title taken from the song "HALO (We're The Only One)" by Jack Strify.

*

Thor loiters in the doorway, shuffling his feet. As confident and assured as he's becoming, traces of adolescent insecurity still surface at times.

"Yes, brother?" Loki asks, waiting expectantly.

"…Was my gift to your liking?"

Loki learned long ago how to read the real meanings in Thor's words, and he is quite sure that is not the question Thor truly wants to ask him. Still, Loki humors him; Thor will betray himself eventually. "Yes. The dagger is quite beautiful."

That is not a lie, and Loki is not prone to exaggeration. The craftsmanship is exquisite, neither plain nor overly ornate, and it is small enough to be easily concealed and yet large enough to inflict damage. Loki is certain he will keep it on his person at all times; even in the palace precaution is prudent.

"I am pleased," Thor says.

Thor is smiling, but he still appears distracted, torn. Loki does not doubt that Thor is pleased, but as Loki expressed his gratitude and praise of the dagger only a few hours ago when Thor initially gave him the gift while they dined with All-father and mother, it is obvious that something else is occupying Thor's thoughts. "Is that all, brother?" Loki asks pointedly, hoping the slightly impatient tone will spur Thor into speaking his mind.

To Loki's surprise, Thor flushes, and the sight of the deep pink stain coloring Thor's face captures Loki's attention. A fleeting moment passes and then Thor visibly composes himself, straightening his spine, and blurts: "I have another gift for you."

"Oh?" Loki would never admit to such a thing aloud, but his heart flutters hearing this. Loki is not so naïve as to not be aware of the implication of his reactions, but it is something that Loki cannot yet face in the light of day. Much to Loki's consternation, he has been feeling quite off balance in Thor's presence lately, his body reacting to Thor in a most inappropriate way whenever Thor is close. It is most irritating, to be so discomfited by troublesome emotions that are growing daily, especially when Loki has no insight into Thor's own emotions. Thor can hide nothing from him, and yet there are moments when Loki feels he does not know Thor at all. If Thor's own feelings are evolving in the same manner as Loki's, Loki cannot say. The uncertainty adds to Loki's irritation. 

Thor seems to gather some of his abundant courage, and his voice is strong when he answers, "Yes."

Loki steps aside, letting Thor enter his room, and he closes the door behind them. As if Thor fears his courage will desert him if he delays, he reaches into his jacket and pulls out a small, worn volume. Thor holds it out with a small smile and Loki gingerly takes it, feeling the softness of the leather. He opens it, eyes widening at the content. He looks back up at Thor. "A spell book?"

Thor steps closer, eyes warm. "Yes. Very rare, from what I was told."

"Thor, I…" It has been years since Loki was speechless. Only Thor can render him such.

"You like it," Thor says, his confidence returning with a vengeance in the face of Loki's reaction. "I had hoped that you would."

Loki's throat constricts. Curse Thor for making Loki feel this way! Even so, Loki cannot bring himself to snap at Thor, to replace the happiness with hurt. "I do."

"You know my talents do not lie with magic," Thor says, "and so I could not understand much of what I read in the book, but there was something that intrigued me."

Thor's closeness is making it difficult for Loki to concentrate on his words. Loki's skin feels hot, itchy. This is the nearest that Loki has been to Thor in weeks, and his body is certainly happy to have Thor close again. 

"If you show me, brother, I will explain for you," he offers, despite Loki being unsure if it is wise. Much longer and Loki feels he will be forced to confront his undoubtedly not familial feelings for Thor, the ones Loki pretends he does not have, whether he is ready or not.

Thor takes the book from him, and unless Loki's imagination is playing tricks upon him, Thor's fingers linger on his palm longer than they ought. Thor quickly finds the page he is seeking, and when he looks back at Loki, the tenderness in his eyes makes Loki's throat feel tight. And how did Thor come to be so close? Loki can catch hints of the soap Thor used to wash after their sparring match this afternoon.

"This spell," Thor says, his voice low and intimate, much too intimate for Loki's already fragile equilibrium.

For the second time this evening, Thor startles Loki into silence. It is several moments before Loki finds his voice. "This binding spell intrigued you?" His mouth tightens when the repercussions of this occur to him. "To whom do you wish to be bound for eternity, brother? Lady Sif, perhaps?"

As Loki gradually and painfully became aware of his decidedly not brotherly yearnings for Thor, he also learned to recognize desire in others. To anyone sensitive to such things, Sif's desire for Thor is plain. Loki, however, did not consider that Thor desired her in turn, certainly not to the extent that he would wish to be bound to her for eternity!

"Brother, consider this fully," Loki urges before Thor can answer him. He cannot let this happen. He knows not what the future holds for Thor and himself, but this cannot happen. Loki must stop it. "This particular binding spell is permanent. Even death is not enough to sever its ties. Are you ready for such a commitment?"

"Yes."

The answer is immediate, and Loki feels a crack appear in the heart that he sometimes fears is too black to feel. Yes, he has been ignoring his unwanted feelings, hoping they would dissipate, but to know that Thor is prepared to bind with Sif is a blow against which Loki has no defense.

"But not to Sif," Thor says, and suddenly Thor's hands are cradling his face and Loki feels the blood rush to his head, feels the breath stolen from his lungs. "To _you_."

Loki trembles, eyes sliding shut. It's too much to bear, looking at Thor, having Thor so close and touching him and telling Loki that he wants to be bound to him forever, teasing Loki with everything he barely can admit he wants.

"You feel it too, do you not, brother?" Thor asks.

Thor's hands are gentle as they cradle Loki's face and he can feel Thor's breath sweep across his skin. Loki cannot bring himself to answer Thor's question, but he fears that merely allowing Thor to be near, to touch him will tell Thor much more than Loki wishes him to know.

"There is more between us than brotherly affection, and I do not wish to run from it." Thor pauses, and Loki wonders if Thor can hear the heavy thud of Loki's pounding heart. "Will you open your eyes, Loki, and look at me?"

As Loki has never been able to deny Thor a request - at least not a serious one - Loki cannot deny him this. It seems a simple thing to open his eyes and meet Thor's, but nothing Loki has ever done has been so difficult.

"You are frightened," Thor says, his fingers smoothing along Loki's eyebrows. "Why?"

Thor has always been able to read Loki at just the times when Loki would wish to hide. It is too soon to address this. There are too many complications, too many hurdles. How are they to give into a love that surely will be condemned? Not that Loki cares for such trivial taboos such as that, but Thor, sociable, friendly Thor, will certainly feel the sting of disapproving glances and sharp words. It is the forbidden fruit that Loki longs for that he knows he will never be allowed to keep for his own. 

"Brother, you do not know what you say," Loki says finally, the words rough on his tongue.

They ring hollow to even Loki's ears and despite Loki's assertion, he makes no move to leave Thor's embrace. He feels warmer in Thor's arms than he has in years, and he does not want to lose this feeling of contentment. It can't last, but Loki will steal the fleeting moments he can. 

"It is you who does not know what you say," Thor responds, and he grips Loki's chin, forcing his head up. "There is none whom I love more than you, none whose loss would destroy me more. My heart beats for you, brother, and only for you. Does yours beat for me?"

Brothers or more, there is only one answer. And although it is something that Loki can only admit in the darkest of night, when he feels no judging gazes upon him, here, so close to Thor and feeling nothing but the warmth from the love in Thor's eyes, there is no place for dishonesty. "You know that it does." Loki's voice is barely a whisper. "But that does not give us leeway to-,"

"It does," Thor interrupts. He leans forward, bringing his mouth so close to Loki's that the secretly longed for kiss Loki's for the taking if only he possessed the courage to claim it.

"Know this, brother," Thor says, the words a deep rumble that make Loki's breathing quicken. Thor's eyes bore into Loki's and Loki cannot look away. "Know that I would bind with you right now, give you everything in my heart and soul if you would but say the words. Young we may be, but my love for you is strong. Do not doubt me."

"Thor…" 

What can Loki say in reply to such a sentiment? Loki has just begun to examine his feelings for Thor, and yet Thor has come here, so assured and so confident in his feelings, and turned Loki's world upside down with his beautiful words, beautiful words that are a balm to Loki's aching heart. It is more than Loki dared to even contemplate even wistfully in his weakest moments. Thor may think it is a simple thing to take the step that would change their relationship irrevocably, but Loki is not so certain, and any doubt will lead to disaster. 

Though with each sweet word and tender touch Thor bestows on him, the faster Loki falls, the quicker Loki is swept away into the fairy tale, and the harder it is to remember the multitude of reasons he and Thor could never have a more intimate relationship. But remember he must; he cannot bring Thor into the darkness with him. Thor does not understand, could not possibly understand the demons that plague Loki's every waking moment, nor could he understand the complexities of such a bond. For Thor, mutual love would be enough to sustain it, and Loki is not so fanciful. Though Loki can admit he loves Thor's naivety and optimism because they are such a counterbalance to his own harsh cognizance and rather fatalistic views, Loki is wise enough to realize that love cannot overcome any obstacle as it does in the old tales, no matter how much Thor would protest otherwise.

"But I know that you do not want such a bond," Thor says at Loki's prolonged silence. He traces the curve of Loki's cheek and smiles a little sadly. "This I expected."

Loki opens his mouth, but he does not say anything. It is true; he does not want such a bond. The notion of being bound so utterly and completely to another person, for this life and eternity after is abhorrent. And yet… Searching Thor's sorrowful, resigned face, Loki cannot help but imagine it, imagine their future together that will never be. It is a wistful fantasy, one that has no place in reality, where they would be happy, deeply in love, never parted, never alone. Loki does not recoil from the images in his mind as he expected, and there is nowhere in Loki's mind he can hide the bittersweet truth: Loki longs for it. It is a difficult to acknowledge that perhaps being bound to Thor would not be the torture that Loki always viewed binding as being since it cannot come to pass.

Suddenly, Thor's head drops, and he rests his forehead on Loki's. Loki can feel the pain bleeding from Thor, and his heart feels as if there is a fist squeezing it hard, making it hard to draw in his next breath. 

"Brother," Thor says raggedly. "Do not hate me for my weakness. I did not choose to fall in love with you, but it seems my heart would not be denied."

The words are desperate, laced with heartbreak and agony, and Loki cannot endure Thor this way. Loki's heart is already hardened to many people, but not to Thor. Feeling as if he is standing on the edge of a cliff, Loki considers. Though he loves Thor – there is no sense in denying the truth, not now – Loki knows there is so much Thor has not considered, so much to which he is oblivious, not the least of which being the growing darkness and restlessness in Loki's soul. Thor is prepared to commit eternity, and so how can Loki accept his brother's love when he cannot promise the same devotion in return? It is not that Loki desires to deny Thor eternity; he is simply incapable of it, and Thor seems to be unaware of the multitude of what he is asking of Loki. Thor is so full of light and love, so unlike Loki, and Thor cannot, or will not, see the difference between them.

Loki's hands shake, his heart races, his throat constricts, and he is not ready to make this decision. But he must choose: either surrender to madness, to Thor, or to retreat and protect himself, protect both of them from a path that will invariably lead to anguish later because their love cannot be sustained. He could end this foolishness now by rejecting Thor, rejecting his love. It would hurt, of course it would hurt, and Thor would not understand the gift hidden in Loki's perceived heartlessness, but Loki still would be comforted – he would be comforted by knowing that if nothing else, he did not betray his brother by condemning him to a life of denunciation and scorn from their family and friends, and the heartache Loki will undoubtedly, though unintentionally, put Thor through.

But Loki's rationality is challenged by his love for Thor, strong and rooted so deep in Loki's heart he does not know if anything will eradicate it. Knowing the futility of promising eternity does not mean Loki does not want it for as long as it can be his. If Loki should accept Thor's suit, Loki will never be free of him, no matter what the future brings for them. If Loki succumbs to Thor's tempting and seductive vow as he fears he will, Thor's love for him will be Thor's own downfall. Loki knows that his internal struggle must show on his face, that Thor must be able to sense his distress, but he is simply too emotionally raw to hide behind his mask.

Thor says his name again in that same desperate, agonized tone, and the choice is made for Loki. He is too weak, his own selfish yearnings too much to withstand along with Thor's pain. For better or ill, Loki will commit to this path, sealing both their fates. As much as he can give Thor and for as long as can give it, he will. Decision made, Loki slides his arms around Thor's neck, grabbing onto his hair and pushing his body fully against Thor's. Even through their clothes, the contact feels like the lightning of which Thor is so fond, and Loki is instantly addicted to feeling Thor's body so close to his, pressed along the entire length of him.

"Brother." Thor's voice breaks. He stands rigid, his hands fisted at his sides. "Do not torment me so."

"I do not torment," Loki says, firm. Nothing has hurt Loki as much as the sight of Thor's desolate eyes staring back at him, and Thor could not know that this weakness will be their destroyer – how Thor cannot see this, Loki cannot understand. "I love you."

Loki has said the words before, though sparingly, but they have never felt truer, or so heavy. Loki likes the taste of them on his tongue, like a secret only Loki and Thor share. "I love you," he says again. Tilting his head, Loki brings their mouths close together, once again the forbidden kiss within reach. "I would have you, if you desire it."

Thor looks as if he is almost afraid to believe Loki's words. 

"You would be mine?" Thor asks, his hands slowly relaxing and settling on Loki's hips, gripping hard. 

"Yes," Loki says, not breaking eye contact. It is the final confirmation of Loki's weakness, and yet it such a heady thing to pledge himself to Thor, so much so that Loki finds it difficult to muster regret. "If you would be mine in return."

The blissful expression on Thor's face says more than words ever could, and Loki realizes that there never was a choice; this was meant to happen. 

"You deserve nothing less, brother," Thor says, and he finally takes the kiss that has been hovering between them, Loki's mind blanking and his heart skipping a beat as he feels Thor's lips on his for the first time in passion. 

Loki has never tasted anything as sweet as Thor's gentle kiss. He moans softly and relaxes against Thor's strong body as it is the only thing keeping Loki upright, the emotions Thor is awakening in him overwhelming his senses. Loki loses time in the wake of Thor's increasingly passionate kiss. It is more than Loki ever thought he could have, and yet it is not enough. He pushes at Thor, wanting to feel more now that he has chosen his destiny, and Thor answers his unspoken question, his arms going around Loki in an embrace that burns into Loki's skin. 

Thor's hands slide over Loki's body freely, restlessly as if he cannot get enough. "Oh, Loki," Thor says, parting their mouths to Loki's disapproval. "I promise I will make you happy, make you smile and laugh. I love you so."

The words are a whisper of a breath, but there is no mistaking their sincerity. The irritation at no longer having Thor's lips upon his is fleeting as Loki feels the last wall around his heart crack, leaving his heart fully open to Thor's possession. Putting his hands on Thor's face, Loki brushes his thumbs across Thor's jawline, the coarse hair prickling his fingertips. 

"You do," Loki breathes, overcome. "I can taste it in your kiss, hear it in your voice, see it in your eyes, feel it in your touch."

Loki did not doubt that Thor loved him, but experiencing the proof of it makes it true in a way that words never could. In the most secret corner of his heart, Loki feared that no one could love him so deeply. That it is Thor, his beloved brother, proclaiming such love is more than Loki can bear, let alone possibly deserve. He knows he does not deserve it; his heart is too black to be worthy, and Loki knew this before he accepted Thor's love, but now… Loki almost wants to take the words, his implicit commitment back. Thor's love is deeper than even Loki suspected, and it will cause Thor to follow Loki to the end of the universe and beyond, no matter how far Loki falls. 

He should stop this. It is not too late.

But even as the words appear in his mind, Loki knows they are false. It is too late. Thor would pursue Loki, knowing that Loki returns his feelings, even to his death, and Loki could not relinquish Thor's love even if he had the notion of being sacrificing enough to do so, not after having a sweet and addicting taste. Loki is not so good that he will reject Thor's offered love because his reason dictates. Loki is selfish. Thor's is _his_ and he is as possessive as Thor. "Kiss me again," he demands, still holding Thor's head.

The smile Thor gives him is blinding in its intensity. "As you wish, brother," he answers before his mouth closes over Loki's again, this kiss even sweeter than the first. 

Thor moves them, but Loki is too distracted with sucking on Thor's tongue to be overly concerned about where Thor is taking them. When Thor encourages him to lie down on the bed, Loki does so, thrumming with anticipation, feeling alive and free in a way he has not felt in so long. The doubts are still there, the worries and fears, but they are pushed away in the wake of Thor's ardor, thankfully silent presently but prepared to resurge another day. 

Though Thor's hands are free with their exploration of Loki's body, Thor makes no attempt to remove Loki's clothes, and it is a both a disappointment and a relief. As much as he desires Thor, Loki is not quite prepared to expresses his love in a carnal fashion. He comforts himself with the thought that he will have kisses and caresses to satisfy him until they are ready to take that step, and he settles into the bed, pulling Thor atop him. He will greatly enjoy having Thor wrapped around him and Thor's mouth on his tonight. Loki imagines they will have many pleasurable nights; Thor is very much a physical creature, and it will not surprise Loki to discover Thor has extensive fleshly appetites which Thor will be no doubt eager to satiate upon Loki's all-too willing body. Thor readily lies on top of him, and the sensation of Thor's significant weight pressing on him is delicious. 

Grabbing onto Thor's shoulder, Loki tilts his head up, searching for another kiss. "Someday. Ask me again someday, brother." Loki breathes the words before he can swallow them, his lips touching Thor's in a barely-there kiss. Loki did not mean to say them, does not even recall wanting to say them, but now Loki cannot be regretful. 

Thor's confused expression clears in a moment. "You would bind with me? Truly?"

Loki's blood roars in his ears. "Someday."

It is a vague promise at best, as much as Loki can offer, and Thor must realize this. It is a challenge more than anything else, one that Loki both anticipates and fears that Thor will attack with relish. By accepting Thor's love, Loki has sealed their fates. Though the only possible ending is one of pain, betrayal, and anguish and it is nearly a certainty that Loki will never consent to a bond, Loki feeds his futile delusions by feeding Thor's own innocent ones. Loki cannot deny that he hopes that someday Thor's devoted love and stubborn determination will be enough to forge a happier destiny for them than the one to which that Loki fears they are already doomed. Loki wants to believe, but it is difficult, something which Thor does not realize.

"I will hold you to that promise, brother," Thor rumbles, and Loki shivers at the possessive tone; Thor does not make idle threats.

"And I will be waiting for that day," Loki whispers. 

Perhaps someday Thor will succeed where Loki predicts he will fail. Perhaps. But Loki keeps those suspicions to himself; Thor need not know that Loki may not ever be prepared to bind to Thor for eternity. It is not for lack of desire, or love; it is some lack within Loki that hinders him, a soul-deep defect that does not reflect upon Thor. The future is constantly in motion and Loki knows not what it will bring, though he is not overly expectant of a peaceful resolution. It is only because of that wistful hope – the hope that perhaps their love with remain true and stave off the darkness that Loki feels growing each day – that Loki made the promise. It was as much for Thor as for himself.

"Let me stay with you tonight," Thor says, nosing at Loki's cheek. "I want you close."

"Yes," Loki answers, and it seems the most natural thing in the world to have Thor in his bed, to intimately entwine their bodies, and to press his lips to Thor's again. Each kiss they share only makes Loki want another.

Loki sighs, eyes closing as he gives in to the feelings Thor invokes in him; there is no retreating from this course. Already Loki craves Thor's touch and kiss; he cannot imagine losing it. If only love will prove to be enough, enough to save Loki, to save Thor, to save their sanity. Loki is not often optimistic, but he finds himself hoping that their love will endure whatever the future brings for them, and even hoping that he will truly desire a permanent bond with Thor.

"I love you, brother," Thor says, his hands roaming over Loki's chest as Thor nuzzles his neck, peppering chaste kisses there that soothe the burn from the scrape of Thor's beard.

Thor sees the world as full of goodness and light, of opportunities and happiness; for Loki, the world is dark and perilous, fraught with danger and pain. How those two can be possibly reconciled in an intimate relationship between them, Loki knows not. Still, Thor expects a response, and here with Thor so close, wrapped around him and no place for lies, his heart shining out of his eyes as he stares into Loki's, there is only one Loki can give. "As I you."

**END**


End file.
